one.
here's to the girls who used to be his number one. the one who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller id the next morning & be disappointed. the one who made it through that bitter break up, dried her own tears, & moved on with her life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. you're the one who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. you're the one who listened to him say, "i only want to be your friend", one day, & the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. you deserve something, & this is your tribute. here's to you, the one that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. you listened to me tell you that you were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from your parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. you went through the great stage with no fights all over again. you started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him all over again. you wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved you too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. & when you finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. this is for you boo. here's to you, the one who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. here's for the tears cried & dried all over again. you wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call you at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. you trained yourself to believe the lies because you wanted to believe you had found the one for you. you learned to settle for someone who didn't treat you the way you should be treated. here's for you, the one who did your hair  make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see you today. the one who never believed it when people told you there might be someone else. you just couldn't believe that he could do this to you again. this is for this amazing girl who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because she couldn't bear to look back on her life one day & wonder "what if". this is for you that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. you are the one who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved you. when he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. you're the one that held on to something that was never there to begin with. this is for you, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell you that he was in love with you again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." here's to you, the one who couldn't cry to me because of how stupid you felt. you're the one who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. you're the one who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "i told you so." you're the one that could just tell that you had made a mistake ever allowing him into your litttle fragile heart & your big dreams again. you knew that you deserved better the entire time, you deserve a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see you whenever he got the chance, one that really cares about you. you just want the one that you love like that. here's for you, the one that finally realized that he never gave a crap about you. here's for the time that he broke your heart again. this is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. here's for you, my bestfriend who finally realized that she deserves better. this is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. stay strong & remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. when 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. when the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. when he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. think of the broken promises, & the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments & staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate & sing bleeding love in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, & realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. one day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. you may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. it's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. this is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

one.
he looked up at her & smiled, & for a second something in the world was right.



two.
tell me you've had trouble sleeping;
that you toss & turn from side to
side, that it's my face that you've been
seeing in your dreams at night.



three.
even though i pretend that i've moved on
you'll always be my baby.



four.
whenever a memory pops into your head, you always have to wonder.
how many more times will i be able  to remember that?
will i ever remember that again? how many times can you revisit a memory?



five.
 i want something real, something i can touch
& hold onto. a love that makes my heart skip,
& gives me that amazing feeling in the pit
of my stomach. i want forever.



six.
your eyes still give me a reason to breathe
& our midnight conversations still mean
everything to me.



seven.
 i'm leaving you. i'm going home,
& all you can do is just watch me go.


eight.
the biggest mistake you can make is to
drift apart from someone you once had
the time of your life with.



nine.
what you don't know can't hurt you.
it's what you suspect that screws everything up.



ten.
things with us are never normal..
i think we like it that way. never knowing
what might happen from one day to
the next. i think that`s why we can't
ever let each other go.



eleven.
you put your arm around my waist,
& pulled me closer.
it didn't feel weird or crossing any lines.
it made sense, it just felt right.



twelve.
i've tried forgetting but that didn't work. so i've come to terms
with who you are and who you've been. the only thing i wish you
could see is what you really could be. your past doesn't make
you decide who you are. & i know you're not sorry,
but i've forgiven you.



thirteen.
it was like she was only there when it was convenient for him;
like she was the gas station, no one ever visited unless their
tank was coming up on empty. yeah, there were days when she
hated him, and there were days when she was head over heels
too. but none of those days mattered because she could never
have him no matter how hard she fell.



fourteen.
i never understood the concept of addiction, how people could
long for cigarettes, or weed, or alcohol so badly that it hurt.
until i met you. now i know how it feels to be 100% relient
on some kind of substance that will never satisfy me.



fifteen.
i loved you once, can i love you again? i don’t know. but i would
like to recapture what we once had. and how can we do that if
you’re not here. so, i’m asking you, please stay.



sixteen.
i just thought to my self, all of a sudden,
that we had something in common. a
natural chemistry, if you will. & i had
a feeling that something big was going to
happen. to both of us. that we were, in
fact, meant to be together.



seventeen.
i liked when my fingers are entangled in
yours and my head is on your chest listening
to your heartbeat. it makes me feel safe, like
at that moment, nothing bad can touch me



eighteen.
sometimes, between people, it takes a long time to get over the disappointment they can cause each other.



nineteen.
retrace & let it go, i tell myself that we'll never remember embrace & watch it die,
to live again,  or we will never remember today.


twenty.
what's worse than wanting something you can't have? it's not knowing what you want. wishing on all the stars in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something to believe in... someone to hold. having absolutely no control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish you were miles away from. being stuck somewhere between the past and the future, nowhere near where you should be - in the present. stuck in yesterdays and tomorrows, so far from home, far from everything you know and love. the uncertainty could just tear you to bits.

one.
sometimes there is nothing to be said. sometimes nothing should be said.
i just want to find someone who won't run away. someone to look me in the
eyes & tell me it's okay that things don't always go right. that this is how life works,
& how it will always work. that it's not going to be easy.
today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.



two.
i know i'm not easy to understand. i keep a lot inside & i'm also not the easiest
person to read. that's okay because even though there is a lot about me you will
never know, there's surely a hell of a lot about me that you can learn to love.



three.
i feel that i’m finally growing weary of waiting to be consumed by you.



four.
the best way to behave is not to.



five.
isn't it ironic?
we ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us,
love the ones who hurt us, & hurt the ones that love us.



six.
if your heart is nowhere in it, i don't want it for a minute.



seven.
i want to get to the point where no matter what happens,
 no matter how long we go without being together,
no matter how many fights we get in;
where all we need is a kiss & suddenly we remember why we love each other so much.



eight.
& you get to a point where you stop feeling sorry for yourself.
you realize no one's going to save you, so you have to save yourself.
you turn your life around, not knowing where you're going,
just knowing that you'll do anything, anything to be happy again.



nine.
you have no idea what it's like to be hours away
from the only thing that makes you want to wake up in the morning.



ten.
crying doesn't indicate that you're weak.
since birth, it has always been a sign that you're alive.



eleven.
the reason i am still so attached to you is because i've never felt that way about anyone.
cliché, right? well, i'm serious. to this day, i would take you back.
i would take back all the lack of communication & all the bullshit you pull.
i would deal with your stubborn mind & closed heart.
so, tell me why, out of all the prince charming’s,
why did i chose the most uncharming of them all?



twelve.
it's just hard, you know? i look at you, & it hurts
so much to know that we can't be together.



thirteen.
when things go wrong, don’t go with them.



fourteen.
for once in the longest time, i'm happy.
at this very moment, there is nothing i would change about my life.
when you accept the past for what it is, you can finally enjoy your future.



fifteen.
you have no idea what i’ve been through,
the places i’ve seen, the people i’ve met & lost.
don’t even try to pretend you do. it’ll just make you look stupid.



sixteen.
so, i guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. & maybe we'll never know most of them. but even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go  from there.
we can still do things. & we can try  to feel okay about them.



seventeen.
but it's strange, when you've always been told something is true, like the moon will come back.
you need proof. & while you wait, you feel the entire balance of your world just tipping. it's crazy.
but when it's over, & it does come back, that's the best, because it's all you want, everything narrows to just that. it's this great rush, like for that one second everything's okay with the world  again. it's amazing.



eighteen.
you give anything for it.
sometimes you give everything.
but sometimes it's just not enough.



nineteen.
that was so much like him,
just to come over here on a totally random night
& after barely speaking to me for months and months,
just pick up where he left off completely messing with my mind

one.
people ask me why it’s so hard to trust people, i ask why it’s so hard to keep a promise.



two.
i shave my legs, i sit down to pee & i can justify any shopping spree.
dont go to a barber, but a beauty salon. i can get a massage without a hard-on.
i can balance the checkbook; i can pump my own gas. can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
my beautys a masterpiece & yes it takes long. at least i can admit to others when im wrong.
i drive in circles at any cost & i dont have a problem admitting im lost.
i never forget a important date. you got to deal with it, im usually late.
i dont watch movies with lots of gore. dont need instant replay to remember the score.
l wont lose my hair, i dont get jock itch & just because im assertive, dont call me a bitch.
dont say to your friends, oh yeah, i can get her. in your dreams, my dear,
i can do better, flowers are okay, but jewelries best.
would you look at my face, not at my chest?
i dont have a problem with expressing my feelings.
i know when you’re lying, you look at the ceiling.
dont call me a girl, a babe or a chick. im a woman, got it, you prick?



three.
she shivered & looked away when she saw you.
all the memories were racing back & she just couldn't deal with that pain all over again.
she knew you were looking at her though, but she just couldn't look at you.
 you, with your beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair, amazing arms for hugging
& those lips that gave the best kisses ever, she couldn't possibly look at you without breaking.



four.
 do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. but at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. people have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. at least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'i don't know' for an answer. you feel the way you do just because. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.



five.
i hate the fact that i stayed with you even when i shouldn't have. i hate that i stood up for staying with you even when i looked like an idiot. i hate that you don't even care. i hate that you said forever. i hate that you lied. i hate that you built me up and tore me down. i hate how when i said forever i meant it. i hate how you controlled the relationship. i hate that i care so much. i hate that i still love you. i hate that i shouldn't. i hate the fact that yu don't want to be with me. i hate the fact that i'm here without you. i hate the fact that you're there and you couldn't care less. i hte the fact that i'm here without you. i hate the fact that you're there and you couldn't care less. i hate that i don't hate you. and it sucks.



six.
in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life:
it goes on.



seven.
after all these months, all this time, so much has happened. the talks, the phone calls, the laughs, and the feelings. if i were to look back on them, i would never believe that that person was once me. i wouldn't recognize that girl because she's so different from me, but i guess changing and moving on is a part of growing up. i'm growing up and finding out what kind of person i want to be for the rest of my life. and maybe in the future, there are more changed to come, but as for right now, this is who i'm proud to be.



eight.
all girls are suspicious of girls that are "just friends"
because we know ; the guys we've had that were
"just friends" we thought of as more than that.



nine.
the truth about girls; we act like we're cold so you'll hold us.
gossip isn't a sin, it's an art. the word "bitch" doesn't mean much
to us. when we say we're fine, we're usually not. most of us fall
in love way too easily. we're never too old for sleepovers. all of
us have a mean side, some of us just don't show it. we're
confusing, and you'll never have us completely figured out. most
of us like attention. we all like to hear we're beautiful. no matter
how many times we say we don't care, we usually do. we'll
mess with your head. if we say that nothing's wrong, something
usually is. & just when you think you have us figured out,
something will change and you'll be all wrong.



ten.
i used to constantly look for people to replace you.
someone to talk to everyday, someone to trust, someone to believe in,
someone to love, someone to have the time of my life with. I stopped though.
i learned some people really can't be replaced.
even though everyday i still glance to see if i find potential in anyone.